Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
