The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
