I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
