i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
