So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
