He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
