Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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