It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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