Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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