Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
