"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
