And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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