no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
