Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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