Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
