he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize