nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
