Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
