my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
