How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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