I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
