My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
