I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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