the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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