porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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