everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
