i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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