I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize