So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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