dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
