I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
