From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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