After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
