Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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