Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize