forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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