Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
