If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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