I didn't shave. On purpose
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize