fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
