i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
