Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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