4 words: hood of his car
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
