Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
