now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
