she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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