jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
