What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
