I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
