so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
