How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
