I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
