His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
