You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
