shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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