i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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