Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
