I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
