My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You need a sexual gate keeper
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize