Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
