She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
