Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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