So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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