Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
