just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
