It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
