I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
