I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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