what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
