You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
